Autocorrect with the Bat Family
by RiverFawn
Summary: AU. In this wacky fanfic, the ages of the Batkids, both Robins and Batgirls are reversed, meaning Terry is the oldest and Dick the youngest. Watch as the texts they send to each other get messed up and autocorrect ruins another Bat's day! Starring: Bruce, Terry, Cass, Stephanie, Damian, Tim, Jason, and Dick. Autocorrect 1: The Joker Doesn't Text
1. Chapter 1

**Hey, it's Riverfawn! So, this is my first fanfic, and I know these aren't exactly reversed ages, but this is an AU, so here are the ages of the Batkids and Bruce (in this story):**

**Dick: 13, Jason: 16, Tim: 19, Damien: 20, Steph: 22, Cass: 24, Terry: 26**

**I present to you Autocorrect with the Bat Family! Oh, and**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters, nor do I own DC Comics or Batman: The Animated Series. In short, I own NOTHING.**

**By the way, these chapters have been edited because this format is not allowed on Fanfiction (I think).**

So without further ado...

Autocorrect 1. The Joker Doesn't Text, starring Stephanie and Dick

Dick sat cross-legged on his bed in Mount Justice. He was staying there for one night to help take care of some issues concerning Batman, who was busy at the time. He had already texted a goodnight to all of his siblings, except for his sister, Stephanie.

_Goodnight, big sis,_ he texted, yawning and rolling into bed.

There was a ding. _Goodnight, baby blubber._

Dick frowned. _Um, excuse me?_

_Sorry, not baby blubber, boy blunder._

Dick gaped. _JOKER, is that you? Where did you take Steph? I swear you'll regret ever taking her! _He dashed out of the room, slipping his sunglasses on along the way.

_Oh my goodness not boy blunder BABY BROTHER. I'm so sorry, my ice cream socks._

_Ah darn it, my iPhone sucks_

_Hello?_

_Dickie, you still there?_

_Hellooooooo_

And so, Bruce and Dick spent the night searching for Steph, and Steph spent the night searching for them. Needless to say, Bruce was not very happy with Stephanie. Way to ruin their day, autocorrect.

Let us proceed to the next one!

2. Blackmailed, starring Jason and Terry

Jason was sitting at the table, having breakfast in the Batcave (don't ask) with Dick when suddenly, his phone made a dinging sound. He took a sip of cranberry juice and glanced at the screen.

_JAY, JAY Damien was adopted! I just found out from Bruce!_

Jason sprayed his cranberry juice out in shock and furiously texted Terry back. _WHAT? WHY ARE YOU TELLING ME OVER A TEXT? OH MY GOSH I THOUGHT DAMIEN WAS BRUCE'S ONLY BIOLOGICAL SON! NOW I CAN GET BACK AT HIM FOR ALL THE TIMES HE'S BRAGGED ABOUT IT... MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!_

Within seconds, there was another_ ding._

_Jason, I meant accepted. Damian was accepted into that famous college..._

Jason blushed and facepalmed. _Oh. Um, great! _Sighing, he looked up and saw Dick sitting there, gaping at him and dripping in cranberry juice.

3. Girls' Night, starring Cass and Steph

Cassandra slipped into a crimson Shang Xia dress, lined with real gold (hey, being the eldest adopted daughter of Bruce Wayne has its advantages). She glanced at the clock on her phone and realized something crucial, immediately texting Stephanie._ Hey, where are we going for girls' night?_

_Babs and I r at Victoria's Secret, just killing Tim until u get here_

Cassandra froze, dropping her golden dragon bracelet (again, advantages). _What...?_

I MEANT KILLING TIM!

KILLING TIM KILLING TIM KILLING TIM KILLING TIM

Cassandra shook her head, sliding a pearl clip into her silky black braid. _You need therapy. I'm just gonna have girls' night with Zatanna and M'gann. _Sure, they were younger than her, but they were less mental...probably.

_Cass, u know I meant killing Tim, right?_

Cassandra shook her head, sighed, and left her bedroom.

_KILLING TIME!_

_Cass?_

_Cass, u know I wouldn't kill Tim_

_Cassssssssss_

And autocorrect ruined girls' night for Stephanie and Barbara. Sigh~

So, hope I made you smile! Review, please and have a nice day.


	2. Tim and Damian Edition!

**Hey, it's Riverfawn! So, Hex Enchantress requested one with Tim and Damian, so I made a whole chapter! Remember, the ages from the first chapter still apply, so Damian is older than Tim here ;)**

**Disclaimer: Don't own these characters.**

**Autocorrect: Damian and Tim Edition!**

Autocorrect 1. In the Hobbit Hole

D: Drake, you must come home right away. Grayson has been hugged by scary crow and troll-face. He is in the hobbit hole now, in criminal condition.

T: Ah, you've finally gone crazy. Don't worry, I know a good asylum.

D: I apologize, Drake. My fingers are shaking, as I just received this news several minutes ago. Grayson has been hurt by Scarecrow and Two-Face. He is in the hospital right now, in critical condition.

T: Oh, that makes a lot more sense. Wait...oh no. I'm coming right away.

2. I Heart You, Darling

D: Drake, you are an idiom.

T: Oh yeah? Well, you're a...a metaphor!

D: I meant idiot.

T: I knew that, stump grinder.

T:*STUPID

D: I HEART YOU, DARLING!

T: WHAT THE HEDGEHOG?!

D: I HATE YOU, DRAKE! DANISH AWKWARD CAT!

T: What... I'M GOING TO KISS YOU!

D: I SHALL NEVER ALLOW YOUR UGLY LIPS TO EVEN COME NEAR MY PERVERT FACE!

T: KILL YOU! AND MY LIPS AREN'T UGLY! But you do have a pervert face...

D: ...

T: ...

D: ...

T: ...

D: ARGGHHHHHHHH!

T: AAAHHHHHHH DON'T KILL ME!

_Ten minutes later..._

Damian walked into Dick's room casually, tapping his youngest brother's shoulder. Dick took out one earphone. "What's up, big bro?"

"I was wondering if you could lend me a hammer."

"Uhh, why? I'm sure you have plenty of hammers."

"Not _a _hammer, _the_ hammer."

Dick took out the other earphone, now fully alert. He pressed a hidden button on his desk, and one of his walls flipped over, revealing a massive collection of impressive weapons. He stood up and began to search.

"Humongous escrima sticks...giant multi-use saw...obsidian sword...here it is! Oh wait, that's the hammer of _moderate_ destruction...Ah, finally found it!"

Dick pulled out a massive hammer with razor-sharp blades on one side, diamond spikes on the other, vials of poison in a hidden compartment and a collection of explosives attached to the front.

"Behold: the hammer of MASS DESTRUCTION!" Dick lifted it above his head, but it proved to be too heavy and the diamond spikes plunged into the floor. "Oops."

"Master Richard, are you playing with the hammer of mass destruction again?" came a voice from below.

"No, Alfred!" Dick called back down. He handed the hammer to Damian. "Hurry, before Alfie sees!"

Damian smirked. "Thank you." He slung the hammer over his shoulder, being careful not to impale himself, and walked downstairs.

"Wait!" Dick called after him. "What're you planning to do with that?" When he didn't receive a reply, he shrugged and put his earphones back in. "Meh. I'm sure big D will be responsible with it."

**Poor, poor Tim. Well, hope you liked it, Hex Enchantress! Pwease review! :3**


	3. Chapter 3

**This is for glimare, who requested "flirting gone bad." Thank you so much, and by the way, I love your stories, glimare! They are **_**awesome**_**!**

Chapter 3. 1. Hairy Back, starring Jason and Random Person

J: Hey Bella

B: Get lost, Jason

J: Just wanted to say, Cupid called, he says to tell you that I need my hairy back

B: ...what? Okay, bye!

J: Wait! Bella, not hairy, heart!

And Jason spent junior prom alone :( Poor guy...

2. When I What?, starring Tim and Cassie (the Wonder Girl one)

T: Hey, Cassie, I have a question...

C: Go on...

T: Did it hurt when you farted from heaven?

C: WHEN I WHAT? TIMOTHY JACKSON DRAKE!

Tim spent Valentine's Day in the hospital, thanks to an extremely angry Wonder Girl. Autocorrect is horrible, isn't it? She did apologize profusely, though.

3. Sugar Doesn't Swear, starring Dick and Random Person

D: Annie, I have a poem for you.

A: Oh?

D: Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is swearing and so are you.

A: ...are you implying that I use salty language? That's it, I'm done!

D: No, Annie! I meant sweet! SWEET!

**Hope you liked it, Glimare!**


	4. We're having WHAT For Dinner?

**I just remembered Autocorrect With the Bat Family when I got a review in my inbox for it! Thank you, randomkitty101! I don't own anything.**

**We're Having WHAT For Dinner?**

**1. Dick and Jason**

J: Hey bud, come home for dinner. You can't stay at Mount Justice forever :P

D: Uh, Jay, I'm in a mission at Cadmus right now. They re-captured Superboy...but they have free guest Wi-Fi. It's great!

J: Fine, but make it back quickly. There's chick wigs rotting on Barbara.

D: ...What?

J: What?

D: Look, this is no time to joke around. I'm getting shot at with a massive laser.

J: Oops. Chicken wings roasting on the barbeque. .

J: Rob?

J: Rob, hurry up and text me. I'm bored.

D: I'm sorry, the user you are currently texting is being SHOT AT WITH A MASSIVE LASER AND HAS NO TIME TO TEXT HIS BIG BRO! Jeez, Jay.

J: Hehe. Sorry.

**2. Steph and Terry**

S: Hey ter, u cooking dinner 2nite?

T: No, just dessert. Dick's coming back from being captured, after all, so I wanted to cook something to celebrate! By the way, Damian's looking over my shoulder and says that the way you text is 'a disgrace to the house of Wayne'.

S: Okay, Damian. There. Better now?

T: He says it's satisfactory.

S: ...So what're we having for dessert?

T: Well, we're having lemur mermaid pirate, and each slice is topped with a cherry and a piece of necktie.

S: ...

T: Oh, sorry. My flippers are all sticky and slide around on the screen because I was just making out with the pie a few seconds ago and forgot to wash my hands.

S: ...

T: Ugh, darn it! I'm making LEMON MORGUE PILE and it has a cherry and piece of NECTARINE! And the reason my typing sucks is because my FINGERS are sticky from MAKING the pie!

T: LEMON MEGATRON PIZZA!

S: Let's just have cave.

S: I mean cape.

S: Ugh. I mean cake.

**3. Cass and Tim**

C: Hey, Timmy, what kind of pizza do you like?

T: Hawaiians topped with oreos.

C: Um. You a cannibal?

T: What? No! I said Hawaiians with oats!

C: Tim, look at what you're typing.

T: Oh! Sorry. I'm battling an alien with Dickie, and it just wrapped its arm around his leg and is dangling him in the air...oh shoot. Catch you later!

C: Please say you guys are playing a video game.

T: No. Our little bro is literally hanging in the air.

C: ...

T: ...

C: ...

T: Uh...see you later?

C: Timothy Jackson Drake...

**Please review!**


	5. Lyrical Mess

**So, as a reward to vampireharry the 2 for being so awesome, I let him/her choose what story I should post a chapter for next, and he/she said Autocorrect with the Bat Family! So, here I am!**

**Ages are the same from the first chapter.**

**I own nothing.**

1. Stereo Hearts, starring Terry and Tim

Tim: Terry, quick, what's a line in Stereo Hearts? I need a Valentine's present for Steph, asap!

T: My heart's stereotypical, it beats for you so glisten close, hear my thoughts in every note

Tim: Thanks! Gotta go!

T: Oh shoot! Those aren't the real lyrics! Tim, wait!

2. Secrets, starring Steph and Jason

J: Hey Steph, what's the chorus in Secrets by the Pierces in that Pretty Little Liars show that Damian watches? Dick's gonna sing it in our Halloween display.

S: Go secrete it, can you keep it, sweat this one you'll save. Butter lock it in your pocket, taking this one to the grape. If I show you then I know you won't tell what I said, cause two can keep a secret if one of them is deaf.

J: ...

S: Ugh, darn it! I was helping Terry make out with the pie. The lyrics are:

GOT A SECRET, can you keep it, SWEAR this one you'll save. BETTER lock it in your pocket, taking this one to the GRAVE. If I show you then I know you won't tell what I said, cause two can keep a secret if one of them is DEAD.

S: Okay, that looked really creepy. And why are all phones shippers of Terry and pie?

**Short and sucky chapter, I know, but LovelySinner7 just sent me ideas for Nightwing Awesomeness that had me squealing and fangirling for a long time. And I want to work on them ASAP.**


End file.
